The intensity of play is increasing. Yesterday's drawing may look confusing because its tests me and my intuition. Thus it goes. Such is research.
How does one become authentically oneself? It is a matter of showing up and doing the work, the research. That's all I have. Relentlessly. Yesterday's drawing feels right. It is not all I've got, but it contains an authentic piece of me. I am questioning this drawing less than usual. I always worry that I may be deluding myself. I worry about false acceptance. So I step back and look at each drawing and painting and ask, "Does this truly reflect me, who I am and what I know?"
I need to clarify further. Some paintings and drawings I produce are questions in themselves. These works ask about possibilities: "Could this be something I know or want to know?" OR "Is this something within me that must be investigated?" Yesterday's drawing did not fit these categories. That alone calls for celebration. It is very sunny today. Last night the open skies allowed temperatures to dip -6°F. If I'm writing about the weather it's because I have little to say about my art. Yesterday's drawing was made after a tiring day of moving snow. The drawing feels routine to me. This drawing was made in the same way I moved the snow. Its forms were moved around until they gave relief from the confusion.
Yesterday it was snowing all the while I was at work painting and drawing the two works reproduced in this post. Today I paid for it. I had to move the two feet of snow that covered the entire path from my front door to my studio. I am worn out and tired. I was able to make a drawing today. I will post it tomorrow morning. For now, goodnight, rest well. (Also, why did I move here from balmy New York City?)
I will say little today. I am back and feeling well after a couple days of feeling low with a cold. I just want to get back in the studio. Yesterday I did a drawing. You see it above. The possible potency of negative space is a concern I am now actively researching. I am not sure if the negative space in yesterday's drawing works extremely well here, but I think the figures are good.
I am sitting here with a runny nose and tissues. Last night I came down with a full blown cold, the first I have had in recent memory. I won't go to the studio today, so no blog post tomorrow. Tomorrow is Monday, my normal take care of financial concerns day. I'll try to do some of that Money Monday stuff today so I can carve out some time in the studio tomorrow (if I am feeling better). I am ready to renew my inquiry through painting, but not today. Today I will mostly rest in hopes of a speedy recovery.
I find sicknesses, like this cold, occur conveniently during times of major transitions. Take a close look at today's drawing. It is a transitional drawing. I took unusual risks while making it. You can see the erasures around certain forms, like the woman's hip that juts upward near the center of the drawing. These quick and agile adjustments can also be seen thoughout the man's shoulder and arm in the upper left of the drawing. These pentimenti are left over stabs at different ways of making these forms. I was seeking a way to make each mark work with the major form to which it was to be attached, while simultaneously making compositional sense. This drawing flowed rapidly from me. The risks taken were my quick thrusts of the pencil line looking to find the forms which echoed authentically within my intuition and internal sense of self-expression. For me, this is a better way to draw. Self discovery is faster and more accurate. This process was one of trust, not only in the instantaneous identification of form, content, and composition while making marks, but also trust in a deeper intuitive reaction to each line. I trusted I could, and would, react to each mark by acceptance or rejection. Also, I trusted that judgement would be authentic and true. What's this about? Space, time, form and their compositonal integration on the picture plane!
My first mentor, Seymour Leichman, said often, "The primary job of an artist is to engage the viewer." Seymour did not mean this business of engaging those outside oneself supersedes the most basic reason to make art, i.e. self inquisitory expression. He did mean failing to pull the eyeballs of viewers onto one's artwork results in the loss of another primary reason to make art: Communication with fellow human beings. Recently I have been preoccupied with finding forms and compositional space which runs true to me and my anima. To some degree, this preoccupation supplanted my developing my artistic persona. Well, Seymour says, You got to do both! This new painting is me trying to do just that, both! I am making a strong effort to be in touch with the most forceful manner to engage the viewer, while simultaneously expressing my instinctual, intuitive concerns. Early in his career Pablo Picasso learned the importance of captivating through presentation. Picasso's ability to engage the viewer had great power. This allowed him to take tremendous risks in his creation of form, and consequently in his compositional manner of story telling. Seymour Leichman may have said it, but Picasso knew it, and did it, better than any artist I know. Both Picasso and Leichman are now forever in my mind as I make my art. "Best is Show" does not simply mean well drawn and well composed. It has to grab viewers, pull them in, and make them want to be involved in one's personal quest. It is showmanship, plain and simple. It separates great art from the mediocre.
Often I think my art is nothing more than the manipulation of the zero sum existence I live in. My efforts to make sense of the visual picture plane is analogous to the difficulty I have making sense of my existence. I am trying to find meaning and purpose by laying down paint and pencil marks on canvas and paper. There is no surprise here. It feels mundane for me to broach this subject. Questioning one's reason for being here is endless and has been done since humans obtained the capacity to be reflective. As I wrote that last sentence I asked myself, "Why do I dare put this thought out there? All of us feel the same." The answer to this question is important to me, of course, but I write it here because it is equally important to the choices I am making in my art. I am continuing my search to find a proper subject. I am seeking self-satisfaction and purpose. I am motivated by my search. The subject of my art is important to my self-motivation. At least that is the way I feel right now, since I do not fully comprehend my present choices. I do know the full development of form and space is important to me, i.e creating forms and space on a two-dimensional plane that appear three-dimensional. I know I represent people over and over again, and I often represent couples entangled in emotional responsiveness to one another. I am beginning to feel that my need to create three-dimensional form and space will be with me always. I am not sure if my present manner of depicting human figures is lastingly important. I intended to begin a new painting yesterday. However, after completing the first drawing I found myself with just 20 minutes left in the studio. So, I decided to make a quick drawing. The result is above. Willem de Kooning talked about making drawings while watching TV. Setting his attention into conflict apparently released a portion of his mind. Otherwise he would have restricted the images in his drawings to a repetitive reissue of his previous manner of making images. Quick drawings, like the one above, may help me to separate my conscious mind from repetition as well.
What is it? Well, it is testing the play of negative space. It is also similar to a nonsense rhyme that manufactures a fairy tale. Actually, it is better described as me at play while seriously looking for a manner to make my forms on paper, and how best to distribute those forms on a flat rectangle. I like what I did with the feet in the lower left. The shoes read well and are nearly abstract. Enjoy! I did. I do. Thoroughly. That is unusual!
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April 2024
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