Often I think my art is nothing more than the manipulation of the zero sum existence I live in. My efforts to make sense of the visual picture plane is analogous to the difficulty I have making sense of my existence. I am trying to find meaning and purpose by laying down paint and pencil marks on canvas and paper. There is no surprise here. It feels mundane for me to broach this subject. Questioning one's reason for being here is endless and has been done since humans obtained the capacity to be reflective. As I wrote that last sentence I asked myself, "Why do I dare put this thought out there? All of us feel the same." The answer to this question is important to me, of course, but I write it here because it is equally important to the choices I am making in my art. I am continuing my search to find a proper subject. I am seeking self-satisfaction and purpose. I am motivated by my search. The subject of my art is important to my self-motivation. At least that is the way I feel right now, since I do not fully comprehend my present choices. I do know the full development of form and space is important to me, i.e creating forms and space on a two-dimensional plane that appear three-dimensional. I know I represent people over and over again, and I often represent couples entangled in emotional responsiveness to one another. I am beginning to feel that my need to create three-dimensional form and space will be with me always. I am not sure if my present manner of depicting human figures is lastingly important.
I intended to begin a new painting yesterday. However, after completing the first drawing I found myself with just 20 minutes left in the studio. So, I decided to make a quick drawing. The result is above. Willem de Kooning talked about making drawings while watching TV. Setting his attention into conflict apparently released a portion of his mind. Otherwise he would have restricted the images in his drawings to a repetitive reissue of his previous manner of making images. Quick drawings, like the one above, may help me to separate my conscious mind from repetition as well.
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