Untitled Drawings-02·03·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches There is a story about a visit by the painter Nicolas de Staël to Georges Braque's studio. De Staël asked Braque, "How do we know we are not hacks?" Braque's answer was simple, "We don't!" I feel good about the art I am making. Does that make it good art? Like Braque, I don't know. My self-doubt is not going away soon.
Yesterday I made four drawings. I also stretched a canvas: a new painting is coming. I caution myself NOT to let the half finished paintings remain unfinished as I begin new ones. I need to go back to three painting and complete them. The problem is time. My strong desire to forge forward competes with my desire to be disciplined. Should I exhibit such discipline by completing incomplete paintings? Perfection is impossible, but there are degrees of completeness that gradate toward perfection. Looking at my three previous paintings I feel I am further away from perfection than I should be, or could be. I will struggle on, burdened as I am by my needs, and by my angst. Untitled Drawings-01·31·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches Could it be more obvious? I am an explorer in a dark room, flashing a beam of light here and there. Discovery is the norm. "Change is the one constant." And so it goes. Yesterday I began stretching a new canvas. I am ready to explore in painting as I have in drawing, one after another without wasting time on extreme self-criticism. My biggest worry is finding a way to do this efficiently. My studio is full of old paintings and room is running low. Drawings take up no more than a small amount of flat space. My paintings are much larger and have 2 inches of thickness. My ambition to make a lot of paintings depends upon finding space to store them. Perhaps I should solve this the same way as my mentor, Philip Guston, i.e. by tacking flat canvases on a wall. Alternately, I could follow Vincent van Gogh's method: Van Gogh famously removed his canvases from their stretchers and rolled them up. That takes time, and the oil paint must be dry before that happens. This is a practical problem that must be solved for me to proceed in the manner I wish to proceed.
Untitled Drawings-01·30·2015 Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches Yesterday was a day of intense work in the studio. Looking back, it is difficult to believe I got all of this work done in one session. As usual, the drawings came first, then the painting.
The painting is relatively small (for me), but its symmetry, attention to surface, and minor versus major form, fascinates me. It is a head-on painting, with simplicity of color, and simplicity of composition. This, like the size of painting, is rather unusual for me. No more comments from me today, except me noting that the formal qualities explored in yesterday's studio session are remarkable. Untitled Drawings-01·27·2015, Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches Please look at everything! Yesterday was a wondrous and eventful day in the studio. The middle section of my studio-time was give to the portrait drawing shown below. It was a revelation in the making — it was controlled expression! I sustained sensitivity and feeling throughout its creation. In the past I had not been able to maintain expressive energy throughout the making of a drawing as complex as this one. If anything sums up yesterday's insight it is this: the use of contrast to animate forms. This is most apparent in the portrait drawing. It followed me into the painting. However, after finishing Drawing #4, my remaining time in the studio was limited. This insight did not have enough time to be fully expressed in the painting.
I have made things more difficult for myself. I feel nervous and in a hurry, yet unable to rush. The nuances are insistent. My painting is calling for extreme attention to details. For instance, the blocks near the center of painting lack adequate contrast (light versus dark). Today's reproduction of painting Untitled Painting-01·06·2015, and all my reproductions, are imperfect. The more I attend to nuance the further the reproductions remove themselves from reality. Here is another "for instance": the background's rhythmic undulation of flatly drawn, mountain like peaks, moves from Pure Cadmium Orange on the left to Pure Cadmium Red Medium on the right, yet you can not see this in today's reproduction. I tried to get it right, but the complexity of the all the nuances present in this painting forced me to compromise to get this reproduction as close to authenticity as it now appears. There is no full success in reproducing art works on the web or on paper! I am struggling to be open and free, but time is limited and insights are unlimited. What to do? I choose to struggle on. Untitled Drawings-01·25·2015, Nos. 1, 2, 3, pencil on paper, 11X14 inches
Yesterday was a confusing day because of problematic family negotiations. I was so glad to get to the studio, but only got there after hours of talk. Not my ideal day! I am definitely better suited to be alone, or at least that's how I feel on days like yesterday. The wonder of my present state of being is the wonder of the studio. I am now so well trained that after I begin to make art I am swept away by its problem solving. Making art is truly transformative. The completeness of this transformation is relatively new. It brings new meaning to Woody Allen's comment, "80% of success is showing up."
...to get this painting right. The speed of that oil drys is the limiting factor. Details, details. The messiness of oil, wet on wet, is a problem for me. I do not seem to be able to get acceptable details in this painting, Untitled Triptych-08·13·2014, in one day of painting. It is best that I slow my desire to complete this painting to the speed of drying oil. This instigates anxiety, which I must control in order to ignore its dominance in my activity. Yesterday saw me working on the girl in the right panel. I will not work on her today. I'll work on the left and central panels, or maybe to her shoes and legs, but definitely not on her oil-wet face. Patience is difficult. I need to accept that each day of work gets this painting closer to its reason for existence.
Yesterday's drawing is yet another surprise. Where am I going? I was watching a film last night, an old romantic comedy. The best friend of the male protagonist said to his bewildered, romantically involved friend, something like this: "If you do not risk confusion, embarrassment, and misdirection, you cannot find truth." So, I guess, to best answer my question about where am I going, I must seek from where I came, which is equally confusing. Remarkable is yesterday's drawing. It surprised me. This drawing is indicative of a change in heart, intellect, and intuition. It took well over three-quarters of my studio time to complete, but was well worth it. I feel, at least right now, that this drawing is a landmark on my journey to full expression.
I do not want to distract you from yesterday's alteration in Untitled Triptych-08·13·2014. It too is important, not so much for it magnitude as for its subtleness. The quality of the activity was important. I worked on the woman's head in the right panel, and the stripes that are the wall behind her. Rather than sweeping changes I made subtle changes. There is a different type of control in such an activity. This vintage of activity is often seen in my drawing, but it has been difficult for me to bring it into my painting. Color and composition come first in my painting, and details second. However, this sort of detail oriented work is necessary if I am to achieve the high degree of expressive success I seek in my painting. I was not full of introspective energy yesterday. So, in the studio I just did what came easy. I did not spend a large amount of time doing it. I had other tasks to perform. I did those other tasks first. This left me with just enough time and energy to do this drawing.
I want to hurry, but I find I can only go as fast as my energy allows. Perhaps it is this problem that instigated yesterday's drawing. After I smacked you with my biggest fear, I went to the studio. Yesterday was a good day in the studio. The painting Untitled Triptych-08·13·2014 progressed well, and the drawing struck something basic to me (despite its rather flat, classically redolent composition, read right to left). I wrote about this primal worry in yesterday's post: I am afraid I will not have enough time to unravel all which I know and feel.
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April 2024
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