One day I know, the next day I don't. Yesterday was a large struggle for me. I could write about my life and tell tales of energy absorbing events, but this is a blog about my art, not my life. I do not see much major work being made during this season of holidays. Oh, I'll stick in there alright, but I can feel my need to be with friends and family welling up and consuming me. I am not complaining. I am being rewarded. I enjoy it. It is, however, strange to have the driving force of self-expression always at my back, pushing and pulling. I feel the greatest elation, and the most peace, when the need to examine and express myself is gone. This occurs in the studio when I am totally engrossed in the making of a work of art which is unravelling in authentic expression. The desire to experience these moments brings me back into the studio. My ability to be in these self-contained moments of self-expression is expanding. It is like a drug. Being consumed by discovery is not elation, but deep satisfaction outside of space and time. One knows it when one sees it, but acknowledgement that it has occurred is in retrospect, since the consumption is total and thus without conscious identification of "this is it!" This brings me to yesterday's work; two drawings. I was so tired I actually fell asleep while making the first one. These drawings are me futzing around. I showed up and I moved my hand; I made marks on the page. I am so well trained that the marks make sense in terms of seeing forms, but these drawings do not speak with expressive clarity, at least to me. Hopefully you see something in them. The best quality of these drawings (for me) is their sense of being compositionally arranged. I consciously fell into researching composition since nothing else was driving me. Composition is something worth rehearsing. My day in art was not a waste.
A technical note: I have begun to show all my work in its actual photographed color. This means the drawings posted here are now retaining the color of the paper. Until recently I told Photoshop to go to "Grayscale" when preparing my drawings. I have become aware of the paper's color as part of the expression. When testing a drawing in Photoshop, going back and forth from "Grayscale" to "RGB Color," I always prefer the full color version, though the color is nearly imperceptible. In Grayscale my drawings lose a bit of their life.
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