It should not be this way. It exhibits a lack of self-confidence. Yesterday I defeated this problem by simply acting, and painting on "Pulling Onions." It went well. My fear is mistrust of my training. It reminds me of my days as a long distance runner: despite my extensive and thorough training I went to the starting line with trepidation. In art-making the vast extent of my training allows me to follow instincts to the proper solution. Yet, when in the final laps of making a painting, I feel like I did on the starting line of an important race. Yesterday's work on "Pulling Onions" included the elegant solution to the bent figure's left hand (on viewer's right). I am happy with this solution, including the arm to which this hand is attached. It echoes the bent figure's other arm and hand. It works! I am going to re-visit both figures in this manner. Yesterday's work gave me the confidence to push "Pulling Onions" to conclusion. More than that, it gave me the confidence to push any painting to where it wants to go. I can do this! I continue to be surprised by my skill, but obviously I am afraid to accept my mastery. It is not a terrible dilemma to have as a burden, but it is an encumbrance which must be defeated to achieve full mastery.
Yesterday's drawings were nothing special. I made them while in a nervous state prior to working on "Pulling Onions." In the first drawing the physiognomy of the figure on the left exhibits this anxiety.
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