One thing I have not written about here is the complexity of emotions when art making. It is about time I did this. I have written about intuition, but emotional activity in the studio is vastly different. Intuition helps me make confusing decisions, while emotions ride me internally as separate entities altogether. Yesterday began with me feeling confused. I made a couple of drawings, which I will post, which are not my best. These drawings look like notes to myself, as I tried to sort out a direction for the day. These drawings did not clarify much. The first one began because I was unhappy with the left foot on the drawing of the running nude posted yesterday. The foreshortening of her left leg, with the foot at the end, bothered me, so I revisited the problem. The second drawing posted today is one of my warm up drawings, me looking for ground to stand upon before entering the true work of the day, the painting "Pond." Neither of these drawings helpe me much to prepare for painting. At this point I felt uneasy with some despair (because I was unsure of the direction to take as I began to paint). Standing in front of "Pond" I mostly felt discomfort with the flesh tones of the two male figures. I needed to complete their atmospheric coherency (with the light in the painting). So I began there, a brush loaded with a mixture of Cadmium Red Light, Phthalo Blue, and Titanium White. And then it happened. During the first hour of painting the discomfort began to be replaced with purpose. The two male figures suddenly began to take on emotional interaction, between me and them, and between themselves. This is where the painting truly began to be mine. To sum, I entered the studio in great discomfort and confusion (the drawings show this) and ended the day with feeling energized with reason and purpose. The beginning of the day made me ask, "Why the hell am doing this?" and the end of the day made me realize the satisfaction in making art is the self awareness created while making art.
I do not have a photo of the latest version of "Pond." That will be posted tomorrow. But here are the two drawings...
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