Today is Friday. Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I took pause. I reacted to events outside of art-making. They disturbed me. I contemplated a change in my own life. I changed things. I rested and found renewal. Reinvigorated, on Thursday (yesterday) I was back in the studio. This morning (Friday) I show yesterday's work.
The difficulty I face in the studio is my acceptance of my own interests, abilities, and limits. This should not be difficult, but acceptance is complicated, tricky, awkward, and demanding. At the bottom of today's post I show one of the many reasons I am confused by own impulses. A large reproduction of Edouard Manet's "Boy Blowing Bubbles" sits at the top of my stairs. I look at it several times a day. Every time I walk up the stairs, there it is, facing me, as I turn left to go into my bedroom. I find it magnificent. This inspires and confuses me. I want to paint like that (which is confusing), and I want to evoke the profundity of emotions this painting exudes in its image and in its abstract, formal qualities (which is inspirational). The great difficulty I face in art-making is me throwing off the desire to be one with the great art of the past. This makes it difficult to accept myself. I ask, are my own qualities important enough to celebrate, and consequently, embrace? The qualities of Manet's "Boy Blowing Bubbles" are easy to embrace. I have fear that my own qualities are sparse and limited, so falling back on Manet soothes me, but confuses me. I need to throw off the confusion which invades me from the outside, such as Manet. I must strip down, and accept, my own nature.
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