Is this all there is?
I am into the 5th month of writing this blog. Looking back, I have gone through many transitions. My learning curve has been massive. I am now entering a phase in my development where the daily making of art is more open ended than I had anticipated. Through work I have acquired basic skills which allow me to take great technical risks. I have now become uncomfortable doing anything else except investigating ways to stimulate myself by expressing intuitively felt ideas and emotions. My work intensity over the last five months has placed me in this nerve-wracking position. Peggy Lee sang "Is That All There Is?" (1969). This song, written by the mighty songwriting team of Jerry Leiber and Mike Stoller, is based upon Thomas Mann's short story "Disillusionment." It emotes the concerns of a chronically bored woman as she moves through life. I am not bored nor disillusioned, but I am certainly surprised to watch myself enter the studio with extreme freedom based upon an amassing of skill. Is this all there is? It was so much easier to be animated and intrigued by the simple learning of skills. My responsibilty has shifted. The learning curve has changed from my acquiring basic shills to my learning about my personal, internalized view of existence. The technical struggle has become a search for the proper manner to interpret and display my self discoveries.
This brings me to the painting "Window." Here I show its seventh version. I have struggled dearly to find truth is this painting. My discomfort is diminishing, but not enough for me to let go. It is not the time for me to write about the meaning of this painting. I will, however, make one technical statement. The man on the right has changed little over the last several versions; he needs to be reassessed within this version's context.
Yesterday's drawings also are involved in a different manner of questioning and technical pursuit. For me, the second drawing holds more meaning. In both drawing I stopped before solving them completely. These are definitely drawings as studies and not drawings complete within themselves.
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