My interests are so vast and grand that I do not feel comfortable with my own ambition. This painting, Untitled Diptych-04·15·2014, is me accepting my current limitations and the aspirations of my ambitions. I have resigned myself to following my determination to get it right. I am nagged by the question of its validity. Can I know the path I am on has any value? No! That is exactly where my acceptance lies, within the "no." "No," there is no certainty. I am able to follow my intuitive sense of authenticity and truth. That is all I have to validate my journey. It feels small, with more questions than answers.
Given all these doubts, I am surprised that I believe the importance of Untitled Diptych-04·15·2014 grows with every alteration I make. The state I show you today is the best so far. It does feel like a symphony. Yesterday's alterations to the left man's head and body allow him to sits within the symphony better than the day before. Now his shape, his form, and his position play harmoniously within the left movement of this symphony (the left panel). Also, his connection to entire symphony has been enhanced. So here I am, slugging it out between doubts and my determination to get it right.
Yesterday's drawing feels particularly weak. When I feel such weakness I ask, "From where did this strange thing come?" I believe it was created by my desire to examine surface more than composition, form, or expression. It probably should never be seen again because it is a mere note to myself, and not worthwhile as a work of art.
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