Being in the studio is getting easier. Up until recently there had been a substantial day to day emotional turning. Daily, as I walked into the studio, I did not know what to expect from myself: pleasure, despair, confusion. These range of emotions have not disappeared, but the degree of the swinging is far less. My optimism is rising as my ability increases. Since I began this blog in July 2010 my way of living in the studio has changed. Now there is a day to day enthusiasm, which has replaced uncertainty. My uncertainty was driven by feelings of ignorance and inadequacy. The day by day work I have sustained in recent months has induced replacement of uncertainty and ignorance with confidence and trust. I feel competent. Vincent van Gogh wrote, "What I want and aim at is confoundedly difficult, and yet I do not think I aim too high." He wrote this in July 1882, at the beginning of his artistic career. In 1882 van Gogh's great paintings were yet to be made. I have similar feelings. I am on the verge of making the art I know I was born to make. I do not believe I aim too high.
The two drawings I made yesterday have robustness in approach, engendered by my feeling confident enough to challenge my manner of attack. A shift is occurring, instead of studies spawned by questioning my ignorance, these are searches for emotional reality.
Looking at the painting "Pond": The head of the central figure is not quite correct. Otherwise the work to complete "Pond" seems apparent. There are no guarantees in making art, but "Pond" appears close to completion, with few surprises remaining.
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