I began with a relatively detailed drawing, knowing it was time for me to begin a new painting. Making an elaborate drawing held off the inevitable, allowing me time to deal with my fear. Fear surrounds when a new painting is imminent. I have heard that Picasso said something like, "Nothing is as scary as a white canvas." There is truth in this. The blank canvas emanates reality, that the ultimate beginning and end is nothingness. In the middle, between the nothingness, comes the questions: Do I know anything of importance? Do I have something important to communicate? Then I begin, placing the first mitigating stroke on the white canvas. The fear does not go away, but is transformed. I begin to question the validity of doing this. The act of making art is risk. Risk means fear. The risk is in the questions. Does this make sense? Is existence important? Art is a game which allows me to live with the unanswerable.
I show the new painting below, in its first impulse. At this point I call it "Sunrise."
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