Much of my life endeavors have been driven by my need to redeem myself from failure; I am unforgiven. Failure is not simple or unique, it is part of my inability to satisfy completion. Many of the tasks I have set upon to accomplish remain unfinished. I could list many, but a comprehensive list would not spell out my feeling of lost possibilities; living itself is evidence of loss. I am unsure why I am so aware of my inability to satisfactorily complete anything I attempt, but the gap between possibility and reality nags me endlessly. Being unforgiven is not a good thing, as it plagues my daily spirit. Everyday I awake very early with a need to find rest from my desire to make whole that which is impossible to make whole. I labor to make concrete something which will satisfy my existential pang for self-knowing. This is just a set up for failure, as knowing oneself is a shifting base of knowledge; the more one knows the more one is aware of what one does not know.
Yesterday I saw the movie Unforgiven. I saw it as part of my course studying Robert Altman's films. It was compared and contrasted to Altman's McCabe & Mrs. Miller. Unforgiven is a Clint Eastwood film. Unforgiven touched me deeply. It is about a man on a relentless, unfulfilling journey. The main character fails to satisfactorily complete his mission, as he looses his best friend along the way, as he had lost his wife in an earlier effort to calm his life into peace and harmony. The main character knows he has not fully utilized or exploited his abilities and character. A great work of art makes one know oneself better. Clint Eastwood's film, Unforgiven, is a great work of art.
Yesterday's drawing is another excellent one. The drawings I have shown here over the last two days are among my best. I tell you this because I find it impossible to reproduce their richness here. I hope you get to see these in person. I am working toward a major exhibit of my work, when scheduled you will be informed.
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